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Entry 166: "Gimpy McGimperson"
Kelly's been attacked by Staphylococcus on top of her spider bite, so she's been deemed Gimpy McGimperson as long as she has to use her crutch. Since her calf is the size of a football, I drove up to San Marcos to get her so we could make our weekly sushi trip.
Walking into Sushi On The Rock w/ Kelly is like Norm walking into the bar on Cheers - it's where everyone knows our name. They know our names... or at least recognize our faces. We go often, but these past couple weeks we haven't gone, whether it was my battle of the bulge (i.e. the Battle of Capris and Corduroy) or Ty being sick. So, for the first time in 3 weeks, we finally got back on schedule. We thought for sure they'd forget us by now, but of course Manager Brandon and Waiter Juan remember us. And Short Bus Boy was there, who has a crush on Kelly, I'm convinced.
Waiter Juan tells us about work and school and whatnot and takes our drink orders and menus ('cause why the hell do we need menus?). Then this big white dude comes around in a suit. Not big fat, like big "I've got muscles but I'm older now so I just look like a sasquatch" big. Then Kelly hit the nail on the head - he looked like a Mervyn's underwear model. Not cool enough for Target or Robinson's May... but you may spot him in your Sunday paper in a Big Lots ad. Kinda looked like this guy. Tina says it's the "older dad underwear model" look. I concur wholeheartedly. So this sasquach guy comes by and asks us how we're oding, blah blah blah... and me and Kelly look at each other like "Who's the suit? we don't know this guy... where's Brandon?! Where's Juan!? Who's this sasquatch!?" So he leaves, and Short Bus Boy comes by and says "hey girls! remember me?!" (of course we do, Short Bus Boy!). Then we ask him who the suit is, and basically tells us he's the new head of Customer Service, the owner's bitch, and a big asshat. We concur wholeheartedly and tell Short Bus Boy how he makes us cower in fear because of his underwear model stature. He laughs. Then Manager Brandon comes by and we tell him we don't like Mr. Underwear Model. He's freaky. Brandon smiles and nods, but obviously can't concur wholeheartedly because he has to be diplomatic and managerial n' shit. But we know what he's thinking. Then Mr. Underwear Model comes by AGAIN and tries to clean off our chopstick paper ( ::start tangent:: Kelly and I like to do origami with the paper that the chopsticks come in - we make little stars (::side tangent:: i'll show you how if you wanna) - and all the usual waiters/waitresses/bussers KNOW not to take the chopstick paper until we've made all the stars... Mr. Undewear didn't know the first time and took kelly's paper, so she stole chopsticks off another table for the paper::end tangent:: ), but wins points by complimenting us on our origami skills. We still don't care, he's an asshat.
So, Waiter Juan tells us the special - coconut crusted shrimp w/ salmon and avocado. mmm mmm, bitches. So we try it. We're not super pleased, but it's tasty. It's missing something... something sweet. I said it's ponzu sauce... kelly says it's eel. we conclude that it's eel and ponzu sauce. Waiter Juan comes back and asks us how we like it, and we tell him how we feel:
*
Kelly: It's missing something
Holly: Something sweet... ponzu sauce..
::waiter Juan rushes off and brings back ponzu, holly and kelly dip::
Kelly: It needs eel.
::kelly and holly peel eel off our other roll (slippery when wet) and throw it on the special::
Holly: That's better
Kelly: yeah it is.
Waiter Juan: How was it, girls?
Holly & Kelly: It needs eel!
Waiter Juan: So, should I not recommend the special tonight? Do you think I should have them bring it out with the ponzu sauce? Should I have them put eel?
Holly: Well, let them taste it plain first... then see what they say.
Waiter Juan: Okay.
*
Kelly and I were like "Are they really gonna change the special because of us? We got CLOUT, bitches! CLOUT!!" We're fucking superstars!
The rest of the meal was fantastical - except for the slightly less than perfectly crunchy kitchen sink roll. So close... but good either way.
Did I miss anything, Kels?
Yes Hol you got everything! Except for the fact that big scary model man was named BRICE!!! We need to get him fired. Let's say he sexually harassed us, and wanted to touch our titties. Then he would be fired and we would get lots of free sushi forever.